Nekrogoblikon - Goblin Island
Released December 20th, 2006
Nicky Calonne, Tim Lyakhovetskiy
Genre: Folk metal / Hardcore
Intro
Remember my review on Royal Republic? Yeah they were a pretty weird band, right? Hey- remember my review about Alestorm? The pirate metal band? Yeeaaahhh that was pretty weird, right? Hahaha- WRONG. THIS is the weird band. This band is the single weirdest band I have ever had the misfortune of listening to. I cannot stand these songs because the whole gimmick is that they sing the songs like goblins and it sounds TERRIBLE. If you LIKE terrible vocals, then listen to this. If you do NOT like terrible vocals, do not listen to this unless you're looking for a laugh.
Thoughts & Feelings?
This album makes me feel like I accidentally fed my Mogwai after midnight, and it turned into a Gremlin and started writing and singing metal music. Not exactly Snow White, is it? This album also makes me feel like I've been put in a new prison program where instead of serving time, they just make you listen to this album until you beg to stop.
This is going to be a WEIRD review. I can't exactly tell if I enjoy any of this or not. Part of me is like this is really funny and kind of cool, but the other side of me is like- this sounds AWFUL. So I'm not exactly sure what I think. The music is definitely cool, but I just can't tell my thoughts.
Overall the music is impressive for such a stupid concept. It's impressive how a band can sound both good AND bad at the same time. I also found out that the drums are programmed, and it's definitely noticeable sometimes, but it makes sense considering there are just 2 guys in a basement recording this album.
The more I listen to this, the more frustrated I feel because it feels like a joke that's just gone too far, and it's hard to enjoy. I have had to pause this review and pick it up again about 3 times now, just because there's not much I can say. It all sounds awful.
Smash or Pass?
They Came from Space - Smash. This song is honestly hilarious if you can get past the vocals. I can't tell a fucking word what they're saying and I think that's going to be an ongoing theme. I really enjoy the music behind this though. There are neat elements to be enjoyed.
Army of Goblins - Pass. The vocals are bad in every song- but ESPECIALLY this one. I HATE the vocals so much that it completely ruins the song and makes me want to skip this very badly. I was so distracted by the vocals that I forgot to even listen to the song properly.
Goblin Island - Pass. The vocals are really shit in this one. I'm having a difficult time understanding much about this band. I really fucking miss Alestorm right now. These songs just feel like a joke that went too far.
Goblins Ahoy! - Smash. This one thankful isn't as terrible as the others. It is kind of groovy but holy fuck I really don't want to listen to Goblins right now. This is my 3rd attempt trying to get through this album, it's just so difficult to listen to. Like It's like I want to enjoy myself but I just can't because this sounds so... fucking weird. Overall this song isn't terrible though.
Goblins Are Better Than Trolls - Smash. I don't know anymore. This song isn't awful but it's kind of annoying with the pre-chorus and the chorus. There are some guitar parts that I really enjoy but it's difficult to get through this shit.
In the Hall of the Goblin King - Smash. I just don't really know anymore. This song is probably the easiest to listen to just because the guitar is pretty enjoyable and there's not as much goblin singing so that's fine. I am probably just going to give this one the gold just because I like the guitar so much. It sounds good but it still freaks the fuck outta me.
The Goblin King's Wrath - Smash. I didn't even know I was listening to this song. I think it's some cheeky bants with the lads and some shredding. Kind of cool.
Goblin Christmas Armageddon Part 1 - Pass. I knew this song was going to come up, and holy fuck is it ever annoying. It's a Christmas song but it just gets on my fucking nerves. It's okay though, not the worst thing I've ever heard but holy fuck do I never want to hear this shit ever again.
Goblin Christmas Armageddon Part 2 - Pass. More of the same.
The Goblins of the Black Rain - Pass. Honestly this is the most challenging review I've ever had to do. I can't tell if these songs are good or bad. I don't want to listen to any of these ever again though. Jesus.
The Goblin Rangers Theme - Pass. I'm over this shit, please give me normal music again.
Conclusion
This band is fucking weird. This album is weird. I don't think I like it honestly. I think this is just too shitty to enjoy for me. Maybe the other albums are better? I have no idea. If you're a new time listener, don't listen to this fucking album. Listen to something else. If you are fully prepared to get mentally mind fucked and not know how your insides feel, then give this a try- maybe you'll enjoy it better than I did.
RANK: C-
What do you guys think? Do you guys like this kind of shit or is this too weird? This review literally took me over a month just because it's so difficult for me to listen to this shit. Anyway you know what to do. Leave your comments below.
- Sharky
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