In Times New Roman... - 40 WPM

Queens of the Stone Age - In Times New Roman...

Released June 16th, 2023

Josh Homme, Dean Fertita, Michael Shuman, Jon Theodore, Troy Van Leeuwen

Genre: Alternative Rock

Intro

Check the font of this review, I'm leaving it at this. Why not. SO- Queens of the Stone age, eh? This album released today (I'm writing this Friday)- and I was recommended by Jake to check it out. I haven't heard Queens of the Stone Age in quite a while so I'm pretty excited for this album. I knew this was dropping soon, finally it's here. What do I think of this album? Let's explore it together now. Let's get into it.

Thoughts & Feelings?

Now I know that usually my reviews are like... live action reaction shit but this one is going to be extra like that- because obviously this will be a first reaction review as most of my reviews are. Just wanted to inform you guys of that because I am going to show a lot of emotion and talk about what I'm hearing as I hear it. Let's go. I think just because I want to be able to properly rank each song, I'm going to put a bracket number at the end of each song and then adjust based on how much I like each song compared to each other. EDIT: I'm abandoning the numbers midway through because I don't really know anymore.

This album makes me feel like someone secretly stuck a microphone inside my stomach and recorded me throughout the week. Like only my stomach noises. Gurgling and bubbling and shit like that, there are so many weird songs that this is the only explanation. What's that one movie where the cat has a collar and the entire universe is inside it's collar? Wasn't that one of the Men in Black movies? It feels like the entire universe is inside my stomach and this band has pulled so many sounds from the universe inside my stomach to create this album. How did they do that? I don't know man, don't ask me to elaborate further.

This album sounds like a slower more eerie version of Muse mixed with Royal Blood, except the lead singer is David Bowie. That's LITERALLY what this album sounds identical to.

Smash or Pass?

Obscenery - SMASH. Is this Royal Blood? The tones and instruments sound pretty fucking sick but I'm not super into the vocals on this song. There's nothing particularly wrong with it, I'm just absolutely not used to this. This song sounds pretty fucking cool though. There's this weird electronic vibe to this entire song and I think that's pretty fucking cool. Then all of a sudden everything disappears and it's a violin song? What the FUCK was that? That was really neat. The bridge section where it kind of breaks down is pretty neat, I enjoy that quite a decent amount. I don't think this song is very catchy or has any sexy hooks though, it's just generally a good cool song with a lot of neat elements to enjoy. (5).

Paper Machete - SMAAAAAASSSH. I am DEFINITELY enjoying this song more than the last one. It follows a much more conventional structure which I need right this second. The guitar especially shines really well in this song. Fucking KICKASS solo, I fucking LOVE to hear shit like that. Absolutely fucking crazy good. Yeah definitely my favourite song so far. This fucking guitar is SO sick. (1).

Negative Space - SMASH. This song is a lot slower but it's still fucking sick. I definitely enjoy it more than Obscenery but not more than Paper Machete. It sounds pretty good, the guitar is so good on this album, I can't describe what the tone reminds me of because it's almost electronic. It sounds pretty sweet. This song is definitely a little groovier and works itself with the beat going throughout the song. Two solos going on at once, which is really fucking cool to hear. It's like ALMOST harmonized but not quite. It's super neat. (2).

Time & Place - Smash. This one is pretty neat. It's kind of funky sounding which is neat but I wish it picked up a little more. It's kind of a spooky ominous song. I don't like it as much as I enjoyed Negative Space. The guitar in this fucking song though is super sick. Honestly feels like fucking zombies or something are out to get me right now. Pretty funky regardless though. It's just kind of slow. (4).

Made to Parade - Smash. This song is starting out pretty good for me. It's funky and catchy. It falls a little bit short during the chorus but it's a pretty decent song regardless though. I just wish it had a little bit more juice going. I just picked up on something- the vocals sound like either Billy Idol or Billy Joel, I always get them mixed up. I THINK I'm thinking of Billy Idol but I can not remember for the fucking life of me right now. Oh my god it's literally on the tip of my tongue. I wasn't even close. I was thinking of David Bowie. Overall this song is pretty good. (3).

Carnavoyeur - Smash. It's fucking crazy to me how much the vocalist sounds like David Bowie to me right now. Does anyone else get that vibe? Please tell me that it's not just me. I'm starting to get a little disappointed in this album though. I want these songs to go faster but so far they're just these slow eerie songs. This feels like it could be the soundtrack of a really shitty teenage warewolf / vampire movie.

What the Peephole Say - SMAAAASSSSSSHHHHHHH. Okay now here we go this is more like it. Picking up the pace a little more and being funky as FUCK. Yeah this is easily the best song so fucking far. This shit is GREAT. Catchy as fuck, jammy as all hell. The guitar sounds fucking sick, bring it home with a cool ass chorus please that's all I ask. They didn't. Oh well that's fine. This is definitely my favourite song off the album so far though. It's just got so many more elements to just vibe out to. I'm gonna stick this one in my playlist so we'll see how I really feel about it in like a month. (1).

Sicily - Pass. Oh dear... not this. You see boys, you did it near perfectly on the last song and now you've fucked it up. Stop going to slow and with no passion or anything cool for me to appreciate. Like turn it up and make some cool ass riffs / licks with the guitar. Okay they kind of started listening to me a little bit. This song is FINE, but that's all it is. Like it's just slow and eerie for the sake of being slow and eerie. Nearing the end it gets a LITTLE cool, but it's still kind of slow and just FINE for me. That's all.

Emotion Sickness - SMASH. What the fuck is that intro lmao. This song is pretty fucking sick starting off though. It's got what I like. Groovy and jammy mixed with a bit of an upbeat vibe. Let's hope it continues that way. Oh shit this song is actually really good. I got a little lost mentally while listening to this song. It's pretty fucking good and whammy jammy and all but I wish it just gave me some relief. The entire time I'm like on the edge of my seat with no release. This song also goes on a little too long.

Straight Jacket Fitting - Smash. This song is fine but holy fucking 9 minutes. The name of this song is pretty cool but whatever. Yeah this song is pretty good but what the hell are they going to do for the next 6 minutes? I have no idea. I still have no idea what is happening. Cool acoustic ballad though.

Conclusion

This album is fine. If you're into slower Muse style songs, this will be your cup of tea. I personally think this album is okay. It's just pretty average for me. It's high points aren't that high, and it's low points aren't that low. I want more punk rock fast action style of music and that's not what is delivered here- which is fine, it's not what I expect out of this band. Anyway yeah. Mid tier album. Pretty good but not great.

RANK: B

What do you guys think? Glad I got this review out so quick after the release? Shoutout to Jake for reminding me, I would have totally forgotten. Anyway yeah you guys know what to do. Leave your thoughts below if you agree with me that David Bowie rose from the dead and sang every song on this album. Love you all, happy Saturday!

- Sharky