The Shaggs - Philosophy of the World
Released June 15th, 1969
Dorothy (aka Dot) Wiggin, Betty Wiggin Porter, Helen Wiggin, Rachel Wiggin
Genre: Garage rock
Intro
Believe it or not- I am REALLY, REALLY excited to listen and review this album. This album is widely considered to be one of the WORST albums of all time. The ladies that performed for this album had ZERO interest in becoming a band, and they didn't even want to be musicians but they did it anyway for their father. I think that's fucking hilarious because I already know this is going to be bad. I'm really really excited because I'm hoping it's funny bad, and I can have a good laugh.
You all know me, I like to review weird, wacky, crazy, strange albums. This is going to be high up there with one of the strangest. I can't fucking wait, let's get into it and start laughing.
Thoughts & Feelings?
I'M GOING TO WARN YOU ALL NOW. I am not even 1 minute into the first song, and I need to make a disclaimer. I am NOT taking this review seriously. I am going to smash a lot of these songs just because they make me fucking laugh my ass off, I am going to give this album S tier because of how hilarious it is. This is a MASTERPIECE in making TERRIBLE music. I think this shit is FUCKING HILARIOUS, and so don't take this review seriously, and I won't either. Got that? Okay perfect.
This album makes me feel like I'm locked up in an insane asylum. This is what the Joker must hear in his fucking brain to commit mass terror. This album is the sounds of my inner demons speaking to me. I don't know man, don't ask me to elaborate further.
Holy convenient timing, I didn't realize this album was released like... 54 years + 1 day ago? Something like that. That's fucking crazy I did NOT plan that, just coincidence.
Also before you read below, please note I am 100% sober. I really should have done this review while drunk as fuck but I don't think I'd have the patience.
Smash or Pass?
Philosophy of the World - SMAAASSSSH. HAHAHAHAHA. The drums are SO FUCKING OFF IT'S SO GOOD. OH NO. HAHAHAHAHA. I am fucking dying, this shit is absolutely hilarious. Holy fucking the vocals are ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. EVERYTHING IS OFF TIMING. I don't think the guitar is in tune. Oh my god who gave these girls instruments. Holy FUCK this is a masterpiece of a song. This shit is insane. I can't help but fucking LAUGH my ass off. This shit is... INSANE. The lyrics are so monumentally impactful, I really connect with them. I want what the fat people got. 10/10.
That Little Sports Car - SMAAAAASSSSH. OKAY OKAY OKAY WAIT, COOL INTRO. OH MY GOODNESS HAHAHAHAHAA. WHAT IS HAPPENING. HAHAHAHAHA. OH MY GOODNESS A BREAKDOWN THAT SHIT IS SO SICK. Holy fuck the coolest fucking solos going on in this song. HAHAHAHAHA. THE GUITAR IS SO BADLY OUT OF TUNE IT'S SO AMAZING. YEEEAAAHHH BABY BRING IT HOME. FUCK YEAH BABY. Amazing song 9/10.
Who Are Parents? - SMASH. Oh yeah baby this is a good one. Who are parents? Who really knows? This is extremely ironic because they are singing about their parents but the entire reason this album exists is because they didn't want to disappoint their father. How did ANYONE approve these songs to be released? I mean they're PERFECT songs but still. The drumming is so complex, it's really revolutionary for this time period. Damn let's fucking go baby nice soft ending. You love to hear it.
My Pal Foot Foot - SMMMAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHHHHH. OH MY GOD THAT DRUM INTO WHAT IS HAPPENING. AAAAAAAA THE GUITAR IS SO OUT OF TUNE HOLY FUCK. THIS SHIT IS GOLD. THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG ON THE ALBUM IT'S PERFECT. MY PAL FOOT FOOT BABY LET'S FUCKING GO. THE DRUMMING IS SO COMPLEX, THE GUITAR IS LIKE WHEN MICHAEL J FOX IN BACK TO THE FUTURE IS PLAYING EARTH ANGEL BUT HE'S SLOWLY DISAPPEARING, IT SOUNDS IDENTICAL TO THAT. My goodness this is a revolutionary masterpiece. This album walked so that Green Day could run. Huh? The Ramones who? Fuck them- all I care about these days is the SHAGGS, BABY.
My Companion - SMASH. Oh FUCK yeah here we go again. Yeah this one is super nice. My companion baby let's go. I wonder if there are tabs for these songs. That would be FUCKING hilarious. HAHAHAHAHAHA. DIRECT QUOTE FROM THE TABS FOR ONE OF THE SONGS: "Note it was extremely difficult to transcribe the chords due to the competencylimitations of the original artist recording, and lack of chord strums on the recording." HAHAHAHA. PERFECT.
I'm So Happy When You're Near - SMMMMAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHHH. Oh FUCK yeah here we go. This song is HAHAHAHAHAHAAH. WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS SO UNHINGED. IT STARTS OFF SO OMINOUS AND SPOOKY, BUILDING UP TENSION AND THEN IT JUST EXPLODES INTO THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS SHIT YOU'VE EVER HEARD. This song is PEAK. I should have done this review for April Fools but fuck that it's right here and now baby this is a masterpiece. OH MY GOD, HERE'S A LINE FROM THE SONG "But sometimes I think we are completely insane", YOU FUCKING THINK, GIRLS? Holy SHIT. This one is scoring high marks just because of that fucking intro. That shit was so good.
Things I Wonder - Pass. Oh no I don't like this one. I don't give a FUCK what you wondering about girls, I wonder why this song sucks so much shit, go back to My Pal Foot Foot, that shit was banging. Nope nope not into this one, it doesn't strike me as the absolute masterpieces the other tracks were fulfilling for me. This song made me fucking SICK. FUCK THIS SONG. Wait they had a good drum outro though.
Sweet Thing - SMMAAASSHHHH. Here we go, back to the absolute masterpieces of the album. This intro is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. This song really speaks to me on an emotional level. Yeah yeah this is the GOOD SHIT. Oh man this one is gonna make me cry. I am so fucking emotional right now this song really fucking hits home. Yeah that was a good fucking song good ending too let's go.
It's Halloween - SMMMAAAASSSHHHH. What an advanced guitar technique. It's so complex I can't tell if she's strumming or picking. A mix of both. FUCK the message behind this song is so complex, HAHAHAHAAH OH MY GOD THEY ACTUALLY HAD A GOOD MOMENT. COMPLETE PAUSE. SO GOOD. I'm struggling to understand the concept behind the lyrics of this song. It's too advanced for my simple brain.
Why Do I Feel? - SMMAASSSHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIT AN ACTUAL RIFF / CHORD PROGRESSION, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, HOW ARE THEY STOOPING TO SUCH A BASIC MUSICAL CONCEPT? They're typically too advanced for this sort of tomfoolery. Holy FUCK the drums go HARD in this song. Damn now I'm starting to think- WHY DO I FEEL? SOMETIMES I WORRY OVER NOTHING AT ALL, HOLY FUCK THIS SONG IS ME. SHIT WHAT AN EPIC OUTRO BREAKDOWN. What an absolute masterpiece of a breakdown. Insane.
What Should I Do? - PASS. I'll tell you what you should do- No no no I'm not going to say it. It's difficult for a beta subject like yourself to understand the complexity of why this song is bad, but I will try to explain it for you. It's ONLY 2 minutes and 18 seconds long, absolutely unacceptable. This song should have been 47 minutes long, otherwise you wouldn't understand the complex nature of everything occurring in this song. Such a FUCKING shame this song isn't that long.
We Have a Savior - SMASH. Literally crying that this album is nearly over. Fucking so upset that my knowledge will stop expanding after this song. Never mind my day isn't ruined, there's a follow up album that was released in 1982 HAHAHAHAHA. I definitely need to review that one because holy fuck my brain needs to get bigger.
Conclusion
I have never heard a better masterpiece of an album before in my entire life. This album was clearly the greatest thing I've ever had to listen to. I am physically crying and shitting right now because this album is over, I wanted it to keep going for the rest of my fucking life. I have literally mentally ascended past the heavens after listening to this. I have unlocked knowledge in my brain that any pure simpleton who has never heard this album will never be able to compete with. This album has changed my life forever.
RANK: S
What do you guys think? I am going to go sleep with my eyes open now.
- Sharky
Fuck it, link the entire album. Every single song is a gold medal.
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